Monday, 22 August 2016

At risk of redundancy - as a Mum


My baby girl, my only child, is turning 19 this week. 19. When people tell you, as you hold your precious new born in your arms, that they grow up too quickly, they are, unfortunately, so right. 

And I know (because I've been there) that there are many times when you hope that this is true and they would grow up and leave home asap!

So not only is my baby turning 19, her last year as a teenager, she has also announced that she will be leaving home (leaving me!) in November. 

Stage 1 - The rumour
There had been talk of this last year but I thought (I hoped) this was just a dream and wouldn't come true. And for a few months, after I'd dropped in a few horror stories of living on your own and emailed her an excel spreadsheet of her predicted monthly household expenditure, she seemed to drop the idea. I was still gainfully employed. 

And then she met her boyfriend. 

Initially I was quietly confident as he too was still living at home with his parents and told me "why would I leave home". Phew.

Stage 2 - The Announcement
But then the relationship progressed and then one day, a couple of months ago, my daughter tweeted how excited she was to be moving out and in with her boyfriend in November. I didn't like or retweet. She started buying mugs. I was officially at risk of redundancy in my role as a Mum.

Stage 3 - The Realisation
A date was set - November and more new mugs were coming home on a daily basis. And then it dawned on me - this was actually going to happen. Had I prepared her to move out, to live and cope on her own? She is an only child, my best friend, my favourite cinema and travel buddy. I've been on my own for six years now and I have strived to show her what a mentally strong, independent and resourceful woman can be, and she could be. But yet I still have a blackboard in the kitchen which only has chalked drawings showing which button to advance the heating and which symbol is for the oven! That's for her. I still make her bed. I still hang her clothes up after I've ironed them. She still buys clothes and leaves them crumbled in the bag on her bedroom floor for days and then says she has nothing to wear. She will take an hour to eventually tidy one drawer in her bedroom - and she does it well, she can make an underwear drawer look like a Victoria's Secret shop display. Our home moto is "nothing is ever truly lost, unless your Mum can't find it". 

So I felt I'd failed, no wonder I was at risk of redundancy. I hadn't trained her to cook, clean, change the bedding, know how to change a plug (because I don't know, but Google does).

Stage 4 - Acceptance
And then it dawned on me. For the past six years, I have single-handedly nurtured a young woman who has an amazing work ethic, a deep rooted love and respect for all of her family, a passionate loyalty for everyone and everything she believes in and exceptional organisation skills. She makes me very proud. I must have done an ok handover?

And I believe that when she moves out, after a couple of days, she will learn to make the bed, hang clothes straight up so she doesn't have to re-iron them and remember which button is the oven and how to turn on the heating.

I'm going to let her go out in to the world as an independent, resourceful young woman.

And what did she say to me last night when I said I was thinking about writing this post, she said "you will always be my Mum, I will always need you".

Happy Birthday my darling girl. xx

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9 comments

  1. OMG....crying right now!! Brilliant post! <3 <3

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    1. Thank you so much Dionne.

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    2. What a touching post and you have a great hand at writing. Xxx �� (@gorgeous_stiletto_addict)

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    3. What a touching post and you have a great hand at writing. Xxx �� (@gorgeous_stiletto_addict)

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    4. Thank you so much Sunny.
      Julie xx

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  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Jess. I really appreciate you commenting. Hope you're well.
      Julie X

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  3. This is a beautiful post, my youngest daughter is 19 too, she turned 19 in March and I can completely relate to you and how you must be feeling. Your daughter is stunningly beautiful like her mamma and she sounds like a wonderful young lady no wonder you are proud, you have every right to be <3 xx

    Zoe ♥ MammafulZo

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    1. Oh Zoe you always leave me such lovely comments. Thank you so much, it really means a lot. These daughters can drive you mad but mean the world at the same time, can't they.
      Julie X

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